Written by whatinthe world
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Tuesday, 2 June 2009

image for Premier League team signs Susan Boyle
Susan Boyle attends her first Aston Villa team training session

English football side, Aston Villa, have signed Scottish "magpie" Susan Boyle to a three year contract.

It appears that after finishing second on the Britain's Got Talent TV programme, Boyle has been left out in the cold, with no commercial enticements proffered beyond an offer to act in TV advertisements for facial creams (seriously!!).

Boyle's signing has excited Aston Villa's manager Reggie Blowhard who sees her as having significantly more potential as a player than the usual dross recruited each off season.

When pointed out to him that she has never even seen a football let alone kicked one, Reggie was adamant: "Yea Gods man!! She'll send those Man U wimps scurrying off to their mothers."

Boyle, herself, has made no comment at this stage about her new career as a professional footballer except to don the claret and blue jumper and then launch into a version of "You'll Never Walk Alone".

The reaction by some Aston Villa fans has been surprising with a small number declaring it the best thing to happen at the club since its inception. However, a significant group of fans have burnt their season passes in protest stating that Boyle is nothing more than a "trumped up bit of Scottish grouse" and adding that "we'd rather have Rod Stewart than this hayseed".

Boyle will play centre forward.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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