London - (Epsom Salts Mess): The real reason why the Queen is not joining publicity-ravenous desperados like Gorgon Brown and Bollox O'Bummer at the 65th Anniversary of the D-Day Landings Ceremony was revealed today.
The event coincides with the Epsom Derby and a last chance saloon bid to recoup vast royal gambling losses incurred in the Bernard Madoff Ponzi scam mess.
Queenie has bet the last remaining £££s of the Royal Jobseekers Allowance that one Aidan O'Brient's nine Irish contenders will romp home to Blue Riband glory on Saturday afternoon.
Internet spreadbetting bookies Aintgottaprayer.con sources said today that odds of 5/4 on HM scoring heavily on the Tote were only just slightly better than "a sudden fatal myocardial infarction" felling her in the straight run-in to the Winner's Post.
Willie Carson is my kinda racing pundit!