Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 31 May 2009

image for Guus Hiddink To Marry Chelsea
The Best Man

There were great celebrations amongst Chelsea fans at the New Wembley stadium yesterday when, after their side had triumphed 2-1 over Everton in the FA Cup Final, it was announced that Guus Hiddink is to marry the club.

Hiddink, 62, told reporters during the Cup-presentation ceremony that Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich had released him from his obligation toward the Russian national team set-up, had gone down on one knee, and had asked for his hand in marriage, on behalf of the Stamford Bridge faithful.

The Dutchman said that, in light of such a touching gesture, and because of his great love for the Chelsea fans - not to mention his enormous salary - he had accepted, and Abramovich had gone off to buy a ring.

Hiddink has had 11 previous marriages to De Graafschap, PSV Eindhoven (twice), Fenerbahçe, Valencia, Holland, Real Madrid, Real Betis, South Korea, Australia and, of course, his most recent 'wife', Russia.

Chelsea fans were overjoyed at the news. Toff, Tarquin von Sheissenhausen, said:

"Oh, ja, we're all terribly excited about it. We all want Gus(sic) to stay - we love him awfully!"

Another Blues supporter - and a bit less of a prick than that upper class twit - was Wayne Shizzle, a staunch Blues fan who has religiously attended matches at Stamford Bridge for more than 18 months. He said:

"Guus is the man! I want to have his babies!"

Hiddink said after the announcement:

"The reaction of the fans was great. I love them and they love me. We're perfect for each other, and I want us to be together forever - or at least until a better offer comes along!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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