Moscow - (ReUterus & Bolshevik Ass Mess): Arsenal defender Philippe Senderos is hopping mad.
The AC Milan-loaned footballer is the subject of a Moscow newspaper's paternity slur claiming he successfully impregnanted Vladimir Putin's 'special girl', Olympic Rhythm Method gymnast and United Russia Party MP Alina Kabaeva.
Pals of Senderos, 24, said today that lissom Russian sporting contortionist Kabaeva, 26, "was already up the duff" the first time that the Spanish-Serbian sportsman shagged her.
Last year Spoof! writer queen mudder reported that the international media went bonkers speculating that Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin was about to dump his homely wife of 69 years and go hell for leather with tantric contortionist Alina.
Ms Kabaeva meanwhile is said to be lapping up all the attention following the C-section birth of her baby son Barack Vladimir Benedict XVI Kabaevich.
Maria Sharapova is one hot assed babe.