Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 25 May 2009

image for Jarrow Marchers Set Off For London Again

Police on Tyneside were out in force last night, as a column of marchers set off from Jarrow to walk to FA headquarters in London to register a complaint on behalf of their beloved and beleaguered Newcastle United.

The Magpies, it was, who were relegated earlier in the evening by virtue of their 1-0 defeat at Aston Villa, leaving them in 18th position, but many Newcastle fans were critical of the FA, and of 'the whole injustice of it', and decided to organise the Jarrow Crusade 2, a stroll last undertaken during the Great Depression in 1936.

Newcastle United Football Club are the lifeblood of Tyneside, and relegation to football's second tier for the 'footballing giants' is a bitter pill to swallow because, well, they're Newcastle, aren't they? If any other club had suffered the same fate, well, that would be their look-out, wouldn't it?

Not Newcastle, though, they're too good for relegation.

One Newcastle fan, John Moan, said:

"It's just not fair, man! Oor goal difference was bedder than Hull's. They should go down instead!"

Another sore loser, Don Phuckt, told us:

"We get 50,000 fans at St James Park every week. We don't deserve to go down!"

The first Jarrow March, or Crusade - like this one, a bid for respect and recognition - involved around 200 workers who trudged all the way from the Northeast to the Palace of Westminster.

This time, however, more than 500,000 fans set off for Soho Square where, this morning, top executives were waiting for them at the front door ready to hand every one of the 'sick-as-parrots' Geordies £1 each to get the train back from London.

Dear, oh dear. What would Jackie Milburn have said?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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