Written by Stu B
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Topics: Tennis, Tim Henman

Friday, 2 July 2004

image for Henman muses career change
Maybe I could be Hugh Grant's stunt double

Crap tennis player Tim Henman today began a City and Guilds course in Plumbing after announcing his retirement from tennis.

Long time friend of Cliff Richard and completely useless twat, Henman finally decided to "rest his balls" so to speak after his latest and entirely predictable humiliating defeat at the hands of an unseeded but substantially more able opponent.

As he arrived at the Tottenham Centre for Tertiary education he said that he was looking forward to developing new skills and being able to help people instead of emerging into their consciousness once a year only to provide them with bitter disappointment t when his inability to actually play tennis gets in the way of his championship hopes.

Marketing executives at the soap powder company who sponsors Henman appear to have moved on already, when asked about whether they would continue to provide financial backing to the abject failure, they simply replied "Who".

Billie Jean King was quoted as saying " If he is as good as he is at tennis I don't ever want that imbecile anywhere near my boiler" when she heard the news.

In the quarter finals at Wimbledon this year Henman was beaten in straight sets by a discarded fondue set.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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