Windsor Castle - (Thoroughbred Ass Mess): A suspected House of Ratzinger mole was been caught red-handed after failing to provide a clean urine sample ahead of the Epsom Derby.
Codenamed Moonlit Bath the royal nightmare was supposed to have run a bizarre alien UFO reconnaissance mission to track down crop circle activists targetting racing's ultimate Blue Riband event.
Queen Elizabeth's racing manager Sir Michael Oswald Mosley said today that an inquest into the death this week of first nephew once-removed Alexander Mosley was a shock.
Old Fatty Mountbatten's sixty year campaign to have a Derby winner has been a miserable failure on a par to her family dysfunction at distancing itself from the Real IRA.
Camilla still receives an annual $100,000 from former husband Gerry Adams.