Drogba is Ballack. Ballack is Drogba. One is a white German. The other is a black African. Both can play football a bit when they set their minds to it. Both are sore losers. Both are possessed of temperaments of fire.
And that's not all they have in common.
Chelsea FC have leaked news to me that they are prepared to offload both players in the summer, mainly on account of their twattish behaviour at the final whistle of their abortive CL campaign. Ballack chasing down the Norwegian referee like a demented version of Freddie Kreuger, whilst his team mate swore into Sky cameras and launched his own assault on referee Tom Henning Ovrebo in the tunnel.
"The chaps upstairs have had enough of this nonsense," a mole told us. "Both Drogba and Ballack will be shown the door in the summer. Drogba has been a constant source of embarrassment to the club, and Ballack is a spent force. Man United would have wiped the floor with us anyway."
In other news from the Bridge, Jose Bosingwa insisted that his allegation that UEFA had fixed it for Barcelona to win the tie, was in fact, just a joke.
Chelsea wait pensively for a UEFA disciplinary hearing, as they are bound to get a serious kicking.
More as we get it.