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Wednesday, 6 May 2009

image for Arsenal Ace Drowns Sorrows In Style
Pitcher For Bendtner?

Nicklas Bendtner, Arsenal's 6'2" Danish international striker drowned his sorrows in style at a London nightclub following his team's thorough flogging at the hands of a rampant Manchester United.

Bendtner was seen to be escorted from a South Kensington nightclub by door staff at 4am with his jeans around his knees in what appeared to be a state of advanced intoxication. He was then bundled into a waiting car and driven away at speed.

Photographs of the incident appeared in the UK press and on various websites today.

"Sure, Nicklas was very upset by the defeat," a friend of the star and shameless apologist told us. "But he wasn't drunk. He'd simply forgotten to do his belt up after a visit to the men's room and this is why his jeans fell down, revealing his underpants. You're making a big fuss out of nothing."

Fair enough, we say. But that fails to explain the glazed eyes, the rubbery legs, the need to be half carried, the slurred speech, and the general physical floppiness. But we do accept that Bendtner was not drunk.

No, really. We do...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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