Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Boxing, Ricky Hatton

Monday, 4 May 2009

image for Hatton Announces Retirement From Looking Glum
What's weather like?

Defeated British boxing legend, Ricky Hatton, has announced in a Press conference in Las Vegas, that after yesterday's loss to Manny Pacquiao, he is to retire from looking glum.

The Manchester-based pugilist was trounced at the MGM Grand, but even before that, has always looked as if he has 'found a penny and lost a pound'.

Hatton wears the appearance of a 65-year-old with false teeth, and may, indeed, have them, but those in his camp have sought to address the problem of his grimness.

His trainer, the ever-upbeat Floyd Mayweather Snr, who is the father of Floyd Mayweather Jnr, has spoken to Hatton about his morose outlook, and has told him to "lighten up".

One theory is, that Hatton may look so fed up with life because of the notoriously-inclement weather in the Manchester area. The city experiences a temperate maritme climate like much of Britain, with cool summers and mild winters. There is regular but generally light precipitation throughout the year, and the average annual rainfall is 806.6 millimetres (31.76 in). Rain falls an average 140.4 days per annum.

Manchester also has a relatively high humidity level, which basically means, that it seems like it hardly ever stops pissing down, and it's this what makes Ricky so glum.

Tonight, the boxer confirmed to fans that he will be less glum in future, as he will be using a small amount of his massive fortune to relocate to Las Vegas, where the weather is much more to his liking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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