Written by matwil
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Sunday, 3 May 2009

image for American sports are real sports, claims an American
American football star Helmut O'Helmet

An American today claimed that American sports are 'real sports', and not the girls' games that the other 98% of the planet believe they are, according to one American football player.

'Real men wear helmets', Adolph O'Himmstler, said, whilst turning over coverage of the Six Nations rugby championships, 'you don't catch us tough Yanks not wearing 'em! And the rumors that Americans had to change the rules of rugby 'cos they're saps ain't true. Just ask my mom, she plays quarterback for the San Francisco Queens.'

'American' football is, of course, rugby, but without the intelligent offside rule of not being able to pass forward, and baseball - a sport only played in Britain by schoolgirls - is about as much a real sport as tiddlywinks. But amazingly, Americans win everything at American football and baseball.

'It's amazing', Mr. O'Himmstler said, 'a bit like wars. We win 'em all - according to Hollywood. It's the rest of the British Commonwealth who're wrong, we won two World Wars without actually joining them until they were over. And my name is Adolph O'Himmstler. OK, it isn't.'

Expect the USA to win the next rugby World Cup. Or soccer one. Or something that needs competition with the rest of the world.

OK, don't.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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