Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 1 May 2009

image for Manchester United Boss Gives Thumbs-Up To Llewelyn-Bowen Appointment

Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, has applauded the decision by the Football Association to hire the services of well-known designer and presenter of BBC1 DIY home improvement programme, Changing Rooms, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, in a bid to improve the state of Premier League dressing rooms.

Sir Alex complained earlier this week that the standard of some clubs' changing facilities was poor and unbefitting of the top sides.

He was scathing about Everton, saying that the dressing rooms at Goodison Park were "too narrow", and Craven Cottage, about which, he said:

"The dressing room at Fulham is smaller than my office!"

He also highly critical of Portsmouth, saying that the showers there were "filthy".

Now though, the FA has moved swiftly to placate the fiery Scotsman. Yesterday, top executives spoke to the flamboyant dandy, Bowen, with a view to enlisting his help in overhauling some of the facilities at decrepit places like those mentioned above.

The star was eager to help, and will start work as soon as the current season ends. He told us:

"Certainly, I'd love to help. I've got some ideas already, including a raised floor at Tottenham, a neo-eclectic fusion of Moorish, Gothic and Celtic influences at Stamford Bridge, and some things that reflect the rustic charm of an area like Newcastle for St James Park. He also indicated there might be room at Old Trafford for a lockable cupboard in which a hairdryer could be stored.

Sir Alex, who strangely, only had a good word to say for one of his main rivals, Arsenal, and their superb Emirates Stadium, applauded the FA's decision, and said:

"What? That fairy?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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