Written by Shaworth
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Wednesday, 29 April 2009

image for Newcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked
Is the Fat Lady singing?

In a move considered knee jerk even by Mike Ashley standards, Alan Shearer was sensationally sacked last night by the Newcastle chairman after just three games in charge.

Shearer, tall, blonde, 41, from Newcastle was said to be "devastated" to be sacked by the team he has supported from childhood.

Sven Goran Erikson has signed a six day contact to take over on Tyneside, a deal that will see him lead the side out against Liverpool and beyond almost to the next match.

"I am under no illusions" said the tall slim Swede, "if we don't get the win against Liverpool I think my future at the club is, how shall we say, uncertain".

"Too bloody right it is" added Ashley slamming his bottle of Newcastle brown ale down on the boardroom table, "I've got millions at stake here and I have declared war on losing. Where is that phone number for Alan Webb I've been waiting for!"

Shearer meanwhile was last seen on the M1 is a desperate race to the BBC. I managed to corner him in the gents at Newport Pagnell services and Alan looked incredulous when he recognised me. "How did you find out so quickly? I only got sacked two hours ago!"

I asked him how he felt as losing his dream job so quickly.

"Frankly I'm gutted" he replied, "I was over the moon when I got the job but now I feel as sick as a parrot.. I was taking it one day at a time, because at the end of the day it's not over until the fat lady sings, but I ended up with an early bath. The lads were great and gave their all. We just needed that one win to get our confidence back but didn't get any luck in front of goal. I've no regrets. I gave 110 percent to that job and I would do it all over again if I had to.

I thanked Alan for his time, sure in the knowledge that his position at the BBC was secure

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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