Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 23 April 2009

image for Roy Keane Targetting Promotion THIS SEASON!
Don't make him angry

New Ipswich Town manager, Roy Keane, got right down to business this afternoon when, during a Press conference to make his appointment official, the ex-Sunderland boss told reporters that he would be targetting immediate promotion from the Championship - THIS SEASON!

Ipswich currently lie in 9th position, 12 points behind the teams in the play-off places, and have only two games left. Promotion, therefore, is a physical, actual and statistical impossibility, but Keane says he will not be deterred. He said:

"Oi loik a challenge. If oi didn't loik a challenge, oi'd be owt walken' me dogs."

It's a measure of the man's unshakeable desire to succeed that he is prepared to push his players - who he hasn't met yet - to the limits of what is possible, or, in this case, what isn't possible, and owner, Marcus Evans, and chief executive, Simon Clegg, will be pleased to know that Keane has lost none of his drive and determination over the last four months whilst he's been out walking his dogs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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