Written by Tess Tickles
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Topics: Tennis

Monday, 13 April 2009

image for Roger Federer Marries Rafa Nadal's Mom
Don't ask where Federer is.

Roger Federer has married Rafa Nadal's mother in a move many see as the Swiss' last throw of the dice in their increasingly one-sided rivalry, in a private ceremony in Switzerland.

"He needs to get into Rafa's head", says tennis analyst Mats Wilander. "And I think he's doing that by stealing his mother. It's a smart move by Roger. He's never going to win Roland Garros otherwise."

"It's a bold move", agrees John McEnroe. "I've said all along that Roger needs to be braver against Nadal, come to the net more. But this is braver than anything I ever imagined."

"It's just a bit of sportsmanship", continues Wilander."Something to distract your opponent. You weren't adverse to a bit of that in your day, were you John? Ha ha!"

"Ha ha. Definitely not. Ha ha. But I didn't corrupt anyone's mother, except for that time when I banged youuu..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Pat Cash thinks that Federer is choosing the wrong tactics.

"Look, Roger is one of the greatest players in history so who am I to question him? But this seems...bizarre. What about his girlfriend? Is it gonna be a three-way in bed? If not, it should be. I wanna see that."

It's uncertain what persuded Mrs. Nadal to leave her husband for Federer but sources say she may have felt sorry for him, owing to his habit of bursting into tears like a twelve year-old boy.

Roger himself has revealed honeymoon plans via a post on his website.

'Hey fans. It's me, da Roge. I got married today to that dirty Spaniard's mommy! I hope you're reading this Rafa. Ha, ha...now you're mine asspicker! Oh and the honeymoon...it's going to be fun. I'm gonna do a lot to her-I won't reveal what but let me just say two words. Josef Fritzl.LOL. Ciao, da Roge.'

Rafa Nadal was said to be privately seething due to the whole affair and was unavailable for comment last night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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