Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 9 April 2009

image for Manchester United Boss In Chewing Controversy

Bad news just keeps on cropping-up for the Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson!

This morning, he was at the centre of a new and potentially-damaging controversy over his touchline behaviour during games, and more specifically, his penchant for chewing.

Sir Alex can regularly be seen frantically chewing throughout games, but it's what he chews that has got him in trouble. For, it's alleged, the Scot chews WASPS!

Alice Dogood, a wasp-lover, said:

"It's barbaric! Why can't he chew gum like the rest of us? To constantly turn a wasp over in his gob for 90 minutes, defies belief! Disgusting!"

Millions of people every day chew gum, but for Sir Alex and his highly-charged position as the best football manager in the world, something more tangy is needed to calm his nerves during a game.

And it's not only during football matches that Ferguson indulges in wasp-chewing. His wife, Cathy, told our Spoof reporter:

"Oh, it gets on my nerves sometimes. He'll sit there having his tea chewing a wasp, and I often find a dead one on his pillow, or by the side of the bed! He'll never change!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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