Groping for ways to stimulate fan interest in soccer in the United States, spokesperson Bubba Feelgood of the Blueballs Soccer Association announced formation of a new 69-team women's league to begin play on Father's Day.
"Because soccer itself is incredibly boring, we're upping the wow factor by making two major changes. First, standard dress will be only thongs, shoes, and socks. Second, we're eliminating goalies," Bubba disclosed.
"Nothing attracts attention better than sex, so what could be better than a field full of topless, athletic women? The goalies had to go because Americans demand heated action and frequent scoring," Bubba added. "Goalies are like condoms, they really kill the fun, so we're getting rid of them."
Marketing gurus consider the new league a guaranteed winner.