Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 4 April 2009

image for Manchester United All Set To Kick Ass
"We Won It Five Times..." Cheeky Scouse Monkey

Manchester United have had enough. And that's official. Following complaints that the Premiership was turning into a one horse race, United capitulated to an embarrassing, soul destroying defeat against the scouse hun, and a defeat away to a bunch of gay Cottage boys.

Is there a crisis looming at Old Trafford?

Certainly not, according to Jarbo the psycho, a dedicated red.

"We've done with the pissing about now, we've built up a head of steam, and we're going for it." he told us. "We'll screw the Villa on Sunday, then we'll knack Porto in the CL. Bring on Everton in the cup semis. Ain't no stoppin' us now."

For a more considered opinion we contacted spoofer Skoob 1999, a confirmed red of long standing, who told us:

"It won't be easy. It never is. Losing to the scousers really stung, but it keeps things interesting. We've got the players and the Govaner, let's just see how it pans out before the Mickey Mousers start gloating. We're cautiously optimistic. Newcastle once beat us five-nil, but they won eff all. Be warned."

More as we get it

As in, maybe we're not gonna kick ass after all. Maybe it'll be us that gets our asses kicked. Hope not, but stranger things have happened....

Manchester United kicked Porto's ass 2-2.

This writer is obviously a deluded idiot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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