Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 3 April 2009

image for Shearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss
It'll All End In Tears

As Geordies everywhere welcomed the appointment of 'Messiah,' 'Saviour,' 'Holy Moses,' 'Winston Churchill,' etc ad nauseum of Alan 'God Jesus And All The Saints' Shearer as temporary manager of Newcastle United in a desperate last ditch bid to avoid relegation, others were less convinced.

Criticisms have been directed at Shearer's lack of coaching qualifications, and he has been accused of exploiting a win/win situation. If Newcastle stay up he will probably be knighted and beatified, if they go down he will have the excuse that he only had eight games to turn things around.

And he'll trouser a cool three million whatever the outcome.

Garage boss Kev Webster told us:

"I certainly wouldn't employ him if he applied for a job as a mechanic, because he isn't qualified. If you're not qualified for the job, then in my book, you should have no chance. I wouldn't let a bricklayer service a Bentley, so why are Newcastle allowing a TV pundit to run a Premiership Football Club? It's nonsense."

A survey of football fans outside of the North-East revealed that Shearer would be more appropriately employed shovelling shit.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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