Formula One was today replaced by men racing against one another in fast cars, as Grand Prix after Grand Prix has no racing, no excitement, and is decided days after they happen by all sorts of obscure rules and regulations.
'It had to happen', F1 chief Bernie Hitlerstone said, 'it had become like watching tins of paint going round and round, without doing anything else, and slowly drying. There was no overtaking, no thrills, no danger, and basically a monkey could have competed in a Formula One race, and have got some points out of it. Or got those points taken away again, due to the no-coughing-too-loudly in the chicane rule.'
The new sport will throw out all the rules, and simply be the fastest cars racing against one another and the best driver winning the championship, risking their lives in every race, but it is doubtful whether it will become very popular. 'It won't be very popular', Mr Hitlerstone said, 'people prefer cars going round and round without overtaking, and races being decided in the pit lanes, and safety cars.'
'OK, they don't, but until people both stop going to Formula One races and stop watching them on TV, we'll milk the mugs to keep what is now the most boring and feeble sport in the world going. A Grand Prix is decided nowadays at the first corner of the first lap, it's a farce.'
Jackie Stewart risked his life many times to become world champion, as did James Hunt. The only risk in Formula One nowadays is the risk that drivers will fall asleep at the wheel, it's so boring.