Written by ashalpool
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Thursday, 26 March 2009

image for Rooney wants to play for Brazil
Hey Brazil... it'll cost you.

Unfortunately what Wayne Rooney does not understand, is the basic grasp of common sense. He was born in England, everyone he is related to was born and raised in England, he was already played some 40 games for England, thus making him ineligible for any other country. Yet, despite all these "hints", Rooney bizarrely, and quite literally, claimed he wants to play for Brazil in the near future.

"I would love to play for Brazil sometime in the future, maybe when I'm nearing the end of my career, like Beckham did. It is just such a phenomenal footballing club, it is clearly the best in the world and to transfer there and play alongside someone like Kaka is a dream."

Puzzled reporters then explained to Rooney the fundamental flaws in his dream, first of which regarded to Beckham's lack of presence in a Brazil side, and secondly his inability to comprehend the seemingly rudimentary differences between club and country.

Rooney defiantly replied, "Bollocks. I know the difference between Brazil and MSN, if I have a dream why should I not be allowed to live it. I have a dream that one day I shall take off this white shirt and replace it with yellow, I have a dream... I have a dream that one day I will have a passport that is not burgundy but rather is green, oh yes I have a dream... I have a dream that one day I shall become a Brazilian, and I can assure you its much more important than that."

Rooney seemed to have mixed his speeches at the end there, fusing Martin Luther King and Bill Shankly quite ridiculously. Of course thunderous silence followed his truly shocking speech, one full of errors, irregularities, incoherence and pure stupidity. But what followed was as bad.

Apparently Rooney told a friend, later on, that he hoped Brazil had enough cash to prise him away from England in the Summer, and hopefully just in time for the 2010 World Cup. He then claimed he had already been approached by the Brazil coaching staff with regards to a transfer, in other words he claimed to have been "tapped up" by Brazil.

Has Rooney completely lost the plot, it is just utterly bizarre. Or is it....

Is this another incredibly well kept secret by the footballing industry? Is it another Dirk Kuyt cover up(See Kuyt is better than Messi)?

Is Steven Gerrard actually a Pakistani who was bought buy England early on in his career? Is Ronaldinho actually English (look at the teeth) but was sold by England for a handsome amount, with the money being used to buy John Terry from France and Rio Ferdinand from Hungary?

I delved deeper.

And I was shocked, or was I?

I was.

The footballing world is not what it once was thought to be. Dirk Kuyt is the best footballer in the World, Pakistan used to own most of the English players including Steven Gerrard and the differences between Club and Country are not as apparent as they once seemed. It seems as though countries can buy players, in fact they have all the basic rights clubs have.

To think, the biggest secret in footballing history was previously Dirk Kuyt actually being the best footballer in the World, nobody would have thought any secret could overshadow that, unfortunately this has.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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