Chris Hoy, Olympic cyclist and hero of the nation, has told how an addiction to Bran Flakes has ruined his training schedule. The popular breakfast cereal is fine taken in moderation. But Hoy has become so addicted he has developed an embarrassing problem.
Hoy spoke from trap 1 in his local public toilets. "I just can't stop shitting. If you are a cyclist then this is a real problem because there is no hiding place. I need to perform endurance training but I'm on the crapper more than I'm on the saddle. I need help. Raleigh are going to design a new seat complete with a chain. But it will take time."
Hoy first got addicted following Olympic success. A shady figure approached and said it would be ok if he tried some Bran Flakes. At the time the cyclist didn't think it would do any harm. Now he has 100 bowls a day. His life is a mess. And so are his shorts.
If you can help Chris Hoy please ring 1-800-12345.