USA - Yesterday, March 22nd, 2009. A date which will live in infamy! The United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the baseball forces of the Empire of Japan.
The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward maintenance of peace in the baseball world. Indeed, one hour after Japanese bats had commenced the bombing attack on the pitching staff of the United States, the Japanese squad was celebrating it's victory.
The attack yesterday on the American squad has caused severe damage to American major league baseball. I regret to tell you that very many American dreams have been lost. In addition, American fans have been reported crying on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.
This evening, it has been discovered, that Japan plans a surprise attack on the peace-loving nation of Korea.
Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our baseball-loving nation.