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Sunday, 22 March 2009

image for Curse of Fergie le Fey goes wrong
Fergie le Fey

A curse cast on Sir Raffaelot, a knight of the round football of Kop, by evil wizard and jouster Fergie le Fey today went badly wrong.

Fergie had used his diabolical powers many times on his enemies before, including Lord Workev of New Castle, and his daughter Glenda Hoddlespur, and only a few days ago had cast a spell on Sir Raffaelot, to make him lose his way at jousts and to fail to win any more. But the spell backfired, and Fergie himself began losing jousts while Raffaelot became even more skillful at winning them.

'I would just like to thank Fergie', the knight said, 'until he tried to cast the evil demonic spell on me I wasn't doing very well, and my fellow jousters Sir Gerald Punchalot and Sir Harold Cantplaywell were doing even worse. But after the spell went wrong we've done nothing but win match after match - even Sir Ferdinand Bores started doing quite decently.' And Sir Gerald added: 'I could only win a few boxing matches until Fergie tried to ruin things for Sir Raffaelot, so thanks a lot, Fergie!'

But in his cave in Trafford, Fergie le Fey was planning worse things for the Kop favourite. 'Mwah hah hah hah!', he cackled hideously, while stirring his pot of poisonous talisker weeds, mixed with brew of iron and buckfast flowers, 'I'm not finished yet! I'll destroy Sir Raffaelot for this, just you see!'

'Get me more talisker, Scholio!', he ordered his apprentice, who went outside to headbutt a passing hermit, and steal his sachet of the weeds. 'Nobody gets the better of me, see, nobody! By the powers of darkness I will lay another curse on that knight - I'll use my special Refshout of Govananters spell, that will bring Sir Raffaelot down! Mwah hah hah hah!'

But the knight himself laughed off such threats, saying 'He does not scare me, no. I will keep winning and Fergie will keep losing at matches, we'll see if his spelling and cursing at joust referees will make me losing.' Scholio was seen outside Fergie's cave, angrily kicking Sir Ronald de Christian up and down a field, shouting 'Big girl's tabard! Big girl's tabard!' at him.

Fergie le Fey was muttering to himself 'There's always France to win jousts in ... more talisker, more talisker ... runner-up at tournaments is worse than losing ... eye of newt gingrich, nose of blue ibroxicum ... I'll make Raffaelot regret doing this ... blasted foreigners ... Sir Christian is getting as bad as Sir David de la Victoria ... leg of neil simpson, pinch of baby spice...'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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