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Sunday, 22 March 2009

London,21st Mar: The EVA announced the Great Britain Volleyball team for the looming World Championships. In what appears to be a move towards a strong show in the London Olympics of 2012, the team is dominated by youth. A shock inclusion was former England international footballer Paul Scholes. Scholes is a player of Manchester United football club, allegedly the greatest football team ever to walk this green earth after the Magic Magyars of the '50s and the Kashima Antlers. Oh, and the Tranmere Rovers.

While most of the volleyball world and Paul Scholes himself expressed shock at his selection, the EVA were quite clear in the short press release. "We have had our eye on Paul for a while, ever since that irresistible smash against Zenit St.Petersburg. Though it wasn't appreciated in the football world, we need hands like that in the volleyball court. The perfect way he lined up the jump, the pinpoint accuracy of the smash, and with that lopsided smile which looked deceptively half-witted, he had us buzzing there. Our efforts in following up a young and promising player were vindicated yesterday, when we were present at Craven Cottage. What a block that was. Even Ben Pipes wouldn't have got past that one. Such quick reflexes are the need of the hour for the Great Britain Volleyball team."

Our sources say that the EVA selector present at the game made a beeline for Scholes as soon as he went in the dressing room. Scholes initially reluctant, told the selector "But how can I tackle both the games at the same time?" Then a bodiless voice is said to have boomed from the heavens, "Hell, laddie, you can't even tackle one guy, so don't you worry about tackling them both." Investigations are going on about who it was. The only lead as of now that it had a pronounced Scot accent. However it made Scholes accept the position, citing that, anyway he was going to be jobless for a month.

Sir Alex Ferguson lamented the loss of Scholes for the rest of the season. He said - This is what he appears to have said, you can draw your own conclusions from the footage - "Of course, we are sad to lose Paul. He is the best of our crop of fine young players. Of course our youth setup is still strong with Gary and Ryan coming through, but you cant replace a lad like Paul. A Smashin' lad."

Manchester Utd fans are generally gutted with the loss of a fine young player in Scholes. Mass protests were staged in China, Thailand, Malaysia, Papua New Guinea and East Timor, against the Glazers and Volleyball in general.

Our London bureau reports the England Dodgeball association was interested in Wayne Rooney, but then withdrew their interest , agreeing with Sir Alex. "He didn't even hit the ref". Ben Stiller also added that he had enough ogres in his team, so he wasn't interested.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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