Robbie Fowlup, the former Liverpool goal scoring ace today admitted to using a mobile phone in front of goal. An emotional Fowlup said "I was spending so much time on my property deals that football just became a chore. Even when I was clean through on goal with only the keeper to beat I just had to answer the bloody phone."
It is now believed that Fowlup has been addicted to his phone ever since his first stint at Liverpool ended. Prior to this he was setting goal scoring records left right and centre. These days Fowlup sets records for not scoring.
His football career is in terminal decline. He has joined Gabba Gabba Fury in Australia for the transfer fee of two sheep and a crate of Foster's. This is a striker who once scared all of Europe. These days trying to remember when he last scored a goal is harder than a monk's arse in a monastery.
Fowlup is now planning to buy most of Australia.