Washington AC/DC - (Blarney Stone Offside Mess): Man United striker Wayne Roonesy has been named by President Barack O'Bama as the next US ambassador to Ireland.
The move follows weeks of relentless schmoozing by plump-botttomed WAG Colleen Rooney who 'offered herself as a fellatio sex slave', er....lobbied intensely! for her husband's diplomatic promotion.
Rooney's 2004 ManU move cost a reported £25.6 million, a figure dwarfed by today's shock announcement that his $100 million transfer fee will be paid out of O'Bama's $757 billion economic package stimulus.
The 23 year-old will of course still carry on playing for ManU and drinking for England.
David Beckham is 69.