One of the oldest and most successful football clubs in the world, Rangers F.C., today changed their name to Glasgow Rangers F.C.. This follows confusion amongst people that know nothing about football, nothing about Scotland, and nothing about much except for Broccoli Spears and Jonathon Gross.
Speaking from Ibrox, Rangers' manager Walter Smithson said: 'We are pleased at the change of name. Now Rangers will stop losing every final they play in, it'll be Glasgow Rangers losing them.' And other clubs across Britain quickly copied the idea - QPR became London Queen's Park Rangers, Arsenal became Paris Arsenal, and Everton became Liverpool Everton.
But one club, Rangers' arch and dangerous rivals in Glasgow, Celtic, refused to become Glasgow Celtic. 'Hah!', said wee red-headed manager, Gordon 'Gerry' Strachans, 'who cares if it's Celtic or Glasgow Celtic? I mean. As long as the bigoted, bluenose eejits get gubbed every week it's like Christmas time for the rest of Scotland.'
'Especially for Protestant Scots outside of Weegieland, who'd rather it was Belfast Rangers or Londonderry Rangers or Lurgan Rangers, just to get rid of the Caledonian equivalent of the Klu Klux Klan!'
But Walter Smithson disagreed. 'Hello, hello, UVF, UDA', he said. 'Ulster, British, Dambusters, Red Hand. Thatcher, Chelsea, BNP, National Front, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Shankill, Pope, Ireland, Ulster, Union Jack, religion, Pope. Wonder why most Protestants outside of Glasgow despise Rangers? I mean Glasgow Rangers. There ain't no team like them.'
Latest score coming in: Bigots 0, Cowards 2.