Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: School, Gym, Towels

Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for High School Equipment Manager Collects Towels in Record Time
Bryzynski has been following a strict diet high in carbohydrates and protein.

David "Flash" Bryzynski set a school record for equipment managers when he collected the Hamilton High Grizzlies basketball team's towels in a record three minutes and fifty seven seconds, shattering the old record of 4:07.

Bryzynski, a junior and a chemistry and physics enthusiast, said he was feeling really good after the game on Saturday but didn't expect to turn in such a peformance and "feels really proud not only for himself but for all of Hamilton High." He said he knows that he had some stiff competition and was fortunate to do so well, but he "has been training hard" and thinks that played a part.

Coach Bill Hillenman of the Grizzlies said that David "has been one of his best equipment managers in recent memory" and is an expert at keeping the Gatorade bucket stocked and "making sure the players get back stuff they leave in the locker room by accident." Hillenman added that Bryzynski has a real chance to make it in college basketball equipment management, maybe even in the pros, and stated that "David has been looking at some of the Big Ten schools, as well as Polk Community College, a strong school in it's own right for equipment management"

Bryzynski plans to celebrate the accomplishment quietly, having a simple dinner with some fellow members of the ham radio club and the chess team. He said he knows that "breaking that four minute mark is a nice benchmark, but next week there's another game to prepare for."

Bryzynski got the nickname "Flash" when some of the basketball team's members tossed him in the shower naked, then took his picture and posted it on line.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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