"It is true. I momentarily considered suicide as I heard the latest on the match while I was at work," admitted the mediocre TheSpoof.com writer with one high ranking story to his credit.
The spoof writer's dismay came from the utterly humiliating result from Old Trafford: Manchester United 1 Liverpool 4
The much lauded United team, which had been widely regarded as unbeatable, and hot favourites to land a quintuple of major trophies capitulated to a spirited Liverpool side who made the hitherto much vaunted United defence look sluggish and ordinary.
"It was a bad day at the office for us," said United Assistant Manager Mike Phelan, mysteriously sporting a large plaster on his jaw.
"It was a worse day at the office for me," said the mediocre Spoof writer. "They deserved to flog us, as loathe as I am to admit it. We were absolute crap. So crap in fact that I momentarily considered drinking myself to death tonight. But I've got work in the morning. And a lot of stick to endure. I would have left the country on HMS Buggerall, but to add to my consternation, reports are coming in that she sank after an apocalyptic encounter with an iceberg. Please turn the cameras off. I think I'm gonna cry..."
More as we get it