Cheltenham, Gloucs - (X-Files Mess): Remains of an ominous mystery space craft were found burning on the racecourse track this morning.
The Prestbury Park site said today it may now have to cancel its prestigeous annual race meeting to which hundreds of thousands of sozzled Irish punters flock each year.
Initial Northern Ireland reports claiming that the IRA had shot it down 'after that Massereene army barracks fiasco' in County Antrim were hastily dismissed as 'garbage' by a worried MoD source.
UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown condemned the Antrim incident but refused to speculate that the Cheltenham 'UFO' was really a UK stealth bomber 'out to nuke the lyin', cheatin' Good Friday Agreement-breaking Provos' following the earlier atrocity.
Cherie Blair has a mouth the size of the Titanic.