Police have been called in following an appalling smash and grab raid at Craven Cottage tonight. It is believed that the notorious Tiger gang are responsible for slipping in and stealing three points whilst the residents dozed nearby.
OAP caretaker Roy Hodgson said "I'd just had my Horlicks when I was disturbed by a crashing sound. When I looked I saw a gang running from the scene of the crime".
Police are expected to raid the Tiger headquarters in due course. But first they interviewed some locals. Earl Grey, 21, said "Those useless bastards have allowed themselves to be robbed. They left the back door open. It's not the first time it has happened."
In a separate incident a writer apologised to anyone who hates football, and then went to bed swearing and wishing he had a dog to kick.