Written by Roy Turse
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Friday, 20 February 2009

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University sports scientists have discovered that athletes can radically improve their performance by using illegal drugs. They say that when compared to athletes that have not taken them, the drug users showed an average improvement of 9%.

"When every second counts, taking one of these banned drugs can make the difference between winning and losing", says the team. "We can foresee a time when use of these substances could be widespread".

Not everyone was so enthusiastic. Several sports organisations we spoke to suggested that the use of drugs in sport was unethical, with some even going as far as suggesting it was a form of cheating.

The university scientists were unrepentant. "Any sports person can take these drugs, so why is it cheating?" they said. "Illegal drugs are the future of sport."

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