Written by tennisman
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Topics: Rugby

Sunday, 15 February 2009

image for Scrums to be scrapped by the RFU
Yet another scrum collapes. Fans sleep in the background.

A revolution is underway at Twickenham. News is seeping out of the home of Rugby this morning that the powers that be are ready to make the biggest rule change in the Sport since the practice of 'squeezing your opponents balls' was banned 2 years ago.

Scrums could soon be a thing of the past. The developments follow another day of International matches where up to 75 minutes of playing time was taken up with the taking and re-taking of scrums.

The debate began at a midnight meeting held last night in the M4 Reading Services where key RFU decision makers convened over microwaved beef and mushroom slices in the Wild Bean Cafe. The revolutionary step of banning the scrum is being reviewed in the interest of keeping spectators awake.

Archibald Danvers-Smith-Smythe-Smith, head of the RFU's 'Keep Clive Woodward out of Rugger' campaign said, 'I don't know about you, but we've all had enough. Its just not on. If all a man's going to see is those irritating little referees barking out 'We'll do it again' through those confounded microwaves they wear, the best thing for all of us will be to see if we can catch 40 winks. I know the spectators are already at it.'

Phil Vickery, England's tough front row forward was not that bothered by the proposal. I can see that the younger guys will welcome the change. It'll be their chance to keep their ears normal. For me, it won't make a difference. Mine turned to full rubber a long time ago.'

Martin Johnson, England Team Manager was more outspoken. 'I think the idea is crazy' said Jonno. 'Our strength in this area is well known. It's one of the ways I'm going to get us back up there. Hopefully, we'll get to the point where the game will only consist of collapsing scrums. That way my guys will be able to regain the top spot without actually having to do anything on the pitch in open play.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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