Written by Roy Turse
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Saturday, 14 February 2009

image for Darts could star in 2012 Olympics

Olympic organisers are meeting today to discuss the possible inclusion of new sports for the 2012 Olympics. Senior officials from the governing bodies of various sports will make a case for their applications to be included. A vote will determine which sport goes through.

This time round, the Committee will hear applications from Street Hockey, Real Tennis, Synchronised Mime, Yodelling, Cross Country Stilt Walking and, amazingly, Darts.

Trevor 'Oche' Coaky, the head of the World Darts Federation explained. "Now that Bullseye is only shown on satellite, there is concern that the public has lost some of its enthusiasm. However, at the grass-roots level; in pubs, clubs, bedrooms and garages across the world, Darts is played by huge numbers of people. We believe Darts, in the form of the internationally accepted 501 game, would be a big crowd draw as part of the 2012 experience."

Trevor will not get an easy ride in the meeting, however, as there is a lot of support for the other sports, particularly Yodelling. In the competitive form, Yodelling consists of a set of increasingly difficult long-distance yodels which are marked by a panel of judges. In March last year, Britain took the World Yodelling Championships by storm after Lottery Fund money had been ploughed into the sport. In fact, it was only Sonia Ululato's sprained larynx in the 3000 metres that prevented Britain from taking a clean sweep of gold medals.

In the past, the Committee has sometimes allowed combination sports, such as the Triathlon into the Games. One possibility is the creation of a Modern Duathlon, starting with a gruelling 26-mile Cross Country Stilt Walk, and finishing with a Darts match or Yodel. Although there is some support for the idea, many traditional Yodellers and Dartists reject it on the grounds that it could make their chosen sport a laughing stock.

However the voting goes today, at least one new sport will be admitted to the Games, replacing the recently discredited Swimming.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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