Written by Mister Meaner
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Saturday, 14 February 2009

image for New Chelsea Drama As 'Guus Hiddink' Discovered To Mean Something Rude In Holland
What on Earth could it mean?

There was a new twist to the Chelsea managerial saga this morning, when language experts who had worked through the night discovered that the strange-sounding name of the new boss, Dutchman Guus Hiddink, means something rude in Holland.

Hiddink, 26, took over the reins this week from sacked former coach Scolari, and was due to watch his team in their FA Cup fifth round tie at Watford today, but the discovery has shaken Stamford Bridge to its foundations, and owner Roman Abramovich is said to be "livid" at the news.

Dutch is a bit of a funny language all round, and, although details of the meaning of Hiddink's name have not been released, you can be sure it must be something pretty disgusting.

One of the linguists, Dr Johan Broffelcreeper, explained:

"We can't say what it means, but it's pretty filthy, and it would be extremely dicey to explain it to those of a nervous disposition."

Hiddink, who has taken the Chelsea role on temporarily, is still the full-time coach of Russia where, apparently, his name means something even more lewd!

The news is just the latest in a series of such cases which included the name of previous boss Avram Grant, whose name was found to mean 'Hangdog Expression' in Hebrew.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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