Sven Go On Love-somehedson, the former Lazio coach the former England manager the former Man City manager, has admitted to the real reason he wants to continue managing Mexico, despite being linked to Portsmouth.
Draped across silken bed sheets and holding a rose between his teeth Love-Somehedson told this newsagency: "it woooaahhuh wwuurree."
We then suggested he remove the rose from his mouth.
"Ah yes that is much better. Well in truth its an easy decision, it's just the Mexican birds are so hot....Nancy can't make it over here as much, so I am at all the time. Coming back to England would be a problem, they all know my reputation, and Nancy would be there aaaalll the time....."
As he was being fed grapes by his boss's secretary from the Mexican FA Sven continued ..." and to be honest I'd get easily confused by the sailor boys and the trannies around the seafront I just can't be bringing a babe back who's got bigger equipment than I have! Here the men are men and wow the women are soooo women."
When asked what he thought about the quality and level of football within the country Sven looked very confused.
"Sorry mate, I have no idea what you're going on about but i have to go now its time for my Rose oil massage....Rose! Rose! are you ready for me now?"