Club officials at the Cottage were reeling today as the revelations about their striker Andy Johnson were sinking in. With the Film Awards ceremony season upon us, it was a member form the L.A. Galaxy press office who had inadvertently spilled the beans that the Fulham striker is none other than Hollywood star actor, Ed Harris.
When confronted with the claim, Los Angeles based Harris star admitted that the pressure of living a double life had affected his form. 'Initially, the pressure playing in the Premier League just didn't exist. MLS had never really done it for me' claimed Harris. 'And when Mohammed Al-Fayed came up with the outstanding offer of free House of Fraser Store Cards for my entire family, I thought I had to give it a go.' 'However', he continued, 'after the honeymoon was over, the pressure of morning training and the rest of the day on set became too much. One day, I even turned up for make-up with mud all over me. There hadn't been time for a shower after training!'
The real Andy Johnson, now playing as a wingback for Deportivo F.C. in the Middlesex County League explained his reasons for trading places with his film idol. 'I know that some may think that giving up a Premier League starting position for life in Step 11 of the non league pyramid a strange move, but I love Fulham and wanted the fans to have the chance to see a top actor like Ed performing at the level he deserves.'