Written by tennisman
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Sunday, 8 February 2009

image for David James Loses Use of Arms
I really can use my shoulders

Tony Adams, the worried Portsmouth Manager was put under further pressure tonight after today's game against Liverpool where it was proved that finally, after a long and distinguished career, 38 year-old David James has lost the use of his arms.

Defending a 2-1 lead late in the game, as Dirk Kuyt shot from 10 yards, the ball flew past the tall Goalie squeezing past him on the near post. As Match of the Day replays showed, James' arms seemed firmly locked beside his body with his hands refusing to move. Some fans actually thought that James made an attempt to stop the ball with his left shoulder.

Gordon Banks commenting after the match agreed that even before his amazing save from Pele in the 1970 Mexico World Cup 'The urge to save the ball with my shoulder was unbelievably strong'. He continued, 'As Pele rose to head the ball, it took all my willpower to get my arms to move towards the ball. The average fan just doesn't understand this.'

Viewers of Match of the Day are not sure whether Alan Hansen is trying to protect the ageing keeper. The dour Scot's view that there was 'Nothing that James could do about that' has left fans unconvinced. Hansen has not moved his own arms on the programme for over 6 weeks. Some fear he is afflicted by the same disease.

James will be having remedial 'Scarecrow' therapy this week in an effort to get those arms 'flapping' again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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