Written by Daniel Williams
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Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for Paris Hilton Unearths Missing Super Bowl Rings
The Treasure Chest, or Treasure Box if you will

It seems Paris Hilton has solved a mystery that has puzzled American football fans for months.
Initially it was reported that the New York Giants' Super Bowl Rings were stolen in a heist. It now appears that story was an elaborate cover up.

Information obtained from a police report indicate that Paris Hilton went to her gynecologist Dr. Robert Carlton for her annual check-up.

"It started as a pretty typical appointment," Dr Carlton told authorities "We exchanged our usual pleasantries as I geared up in my Hazmat suit. But once the examination started, things took an odd turn. When I inserted the speculum, I heard an odd clang sound." After several minutes the doctor turned up a total of 27 Super Bowl championship rings.

"I looked at them and realized what they were. I told her 'Paris, that's hot', then she just giggled and said 'thanks doc'. She didn't understand. I informed her that these rings were reported stolen, and I tried to find out how she acquired them." After some thought, Paris told the doctor that she had been at a party in Manhattan where the members of the New York Giants were in attendance. "I was there pretty late, but I don't remember much about it," Paris later told authorities.

After several attempts, Giants Head Coach Tim Coughlin was reached and described the situation. He mumbled something about explaining the antibiotics before stopping himself and saying he had no comment.

Once the rings have gone through evidence processing, officials at Tiffany say they will melt the rings down and make new ones. "We don't know what kind of biological matter could be on them, so we are just going to take the safe route." CEO Michael Kowalski said in a press release.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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