At an extraordinary press conference on Sunday, the FIFA President showed off his brand new bollocks to the worlds media.
In response to growing concerns over whether South Africa can host the next world cup, he whipped off his trousers to show the media he had balls to match his words. He explained that after his recent trip to the country he was so impressed that he had the world cup logo tattoed on his right testicle, and an image of Nelson Mandella on his left one.
"Seeing how close my dream of an African world cup is brought tears to my eyes...." before adding, "but not half as much as when I had these babies done."
The FIFA leader went on to say. "There is absolutely no poverty or crime or unemployment in the country. I visited several cities and found them to have five star hotels. The food was abundant and delicious. Everyone 'i met wore great clothes and spoke perfect English. People will lie to ruin my dream of making billions...i mean to see the world cup in Africa"
Thabo Wotsaids, a worker on one of the stadium projects recently told reporters he only earned 50p a day for working eight hours. " When Mr Blatter came we were all locked up in a dark room so he wouldn't be offended by the sight of us. The world cup they tell us will be fantastic but not for the average south african..anyway we'd rather watch rugby or cricket ..what?....I say there's a decent chap put that hod of cement on my back will you?"
With a country struggling with aids and barely able to feed itself, the need for a world cup seems redundant.
When asked what he thought of Mr Blatters gesture, Nelson Mandella sighed and said "as usual he's talking bollocks."