Written by Stray Photon
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Wednesday, 28 January 2009

As builders move in to to rebuild the wrecked KC Stadium, The Spoof can exclusively reveal the real reason behind the disgraceful scenes of crowd violence which marred the weekend's FA cup tie and further sullied the battered reputation of the national game.

In scenes reminiscent of the 1980s, fans of rival clubs Hull City and Millwall fought each other inside and outside the ground and argued over whether everybody should Wang Chung tonight, or not.

But what could have sparked off the violence?

I spoke with one of the London club's fans, Ronnie Geezer.

"Well mate, see this wasn't just your normal away trip, this was more of your pilgrimage type thing."

Mr Geezer continued in an unfeasible cockney accent;

"We didn't come all this way to the frozen North just for a game of football: we came to pay homage at a sacred place, to worship at the shrine. We came to see the legend that is Deano."

"Then when one of of these Northern muppets told us that he wasn't even on the bench, well that's when it all kicked off mate, apples and pairs, how's yer father and all that old pony."

"I mean we was expecting to see one of the legends of football, a master of his art, a true magician of the turf, and it turns out he's gone to bleeding Oldham on loan. Well, we was bound to be a bit narked, wasn't we?"

Hull chairman Paul Duffbeer is insisting the the South London club compensate Hull City for the damage caused.

"These scenes no longer have any place in the modern game," he commented.

"I have contacted my counterpart at Millwall and demanded they pay for the damage. One of our fans tore the front cover of his programme as he stood up to get a better look at the trouble, and all that police horse crap doesn't clean itself up, you know."

Next Week: Dean Windass writes: How I kicked Mark E Smith out of the Fall.

Your Beer and Football correspondent Stray Photon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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