Having recently crashed his Ferrari into the wall of a tunnel close to Manchester Airport, Cristiano Ronaldo has confessed exactly what he was up to on the night of the crash.
"I see on You Tube, muchos Ferraris, driving in tunnels in Europa, revving engine like a madman, makin lotsa noise innit!
"I bought my Ferrari when my cleaner, she find some money ina my spare safe that I forget was there.
"So, we just get beat by Derby County in Cup, and I'm 'ow you say - pista off.
"So I take da car in the tunnel an rev the bollocks out of it.
"What I forget thugh is that I need to put in clutch.
"It's OK - I get a new one at the end of de month."