Written by chris whewell
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Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Football Armageddon - the final battle between the forces of good and evil draws near.

Brian Clough, "the best manager England never had" has been sensationally appointed as manager of Heaven XI, by God, (Chairman) thereby ending months of speculation.

Since his death in 2003, Brian Clough has been applying his own controversial brand of punditry for SKY Sports, the provider of live football coverage of the EPL (Ethereal Premier League)

Now, Brian Clough OBE (Ol' Big 'Ead) has the chance to prove himself again, having taken two East Midlands teams to unprecedented glory.

Firstly he took a firm grip on Derby County, a traditional, yet underperforming football club and transformed them to the Championship of the Football League, then to the semi-final of the European Cup, where they were sensationally cheated by a bent ref in their match against Juventus of Italy. (Juventus were recently relegated from Serie A, after being found guilty of match-fixing and bribing match officials).

Later, he had further success at nearby Nottingham, better known for Robin Hood, lace-making, cricket and Torvill and Dean.

While in charge of lowly Notts Florist, he managed to fashion a team that won several trophies - whilst never losing his affection for nearby Derby.

Brian Clough will be reunited with the other half of the formidable management team, with Peter Taylor becoming Assistant Manager.

Renowned for his ability to "dig a diamond from the rough" and the acknowledged discoverer of many a fine footballer, Peter will concentrate on the obituary columns, bringing in deceased players of sufficient calibre. Says Taylor, "Their legs may be gone, indeed their body, arms and head too, but up here, you never lose it entirely!"

"With Peter at my side", said a jubilant Clough, we feel that we will soon be able to build a team to compete with the very top echelon in the League, and then win trophies with an almost monotonous regularity. What I didn't achieve with Derby County on earth, I will create here in Heaven.

The current Champions of the Ethereal Premier League, Filthy Dirty Satanic Rovers, managed by ex Dirty-Leeds boss, Don Revie for the past 25 years may have something to say about that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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