Footballer Kaka IS leaving Real Madrid.
Contrary to reports about his £100 million transfer to Manchester City Football Club with a half a million quid a week salary, we can exclusively reveal that he is in the process of a transfer to Tring Athletic in Hertfordshire.
The reason for this move is that Tring are regularly only able to field 10 men in the average match, which doesn't leave much room for maneuver when it comes to Bafta Award winning fallings-over-and-crying-foul, knock-outs when some stupid prat player runs around the field with his shirt over his head and collides with the goalpost, or sendings off for abusing ethnic minorities in the crowd.
The transfer fee is rumoured to be in the region of £150, and his salary is likely to be approximately £300 a week plus a free supply of pies and breadcakes from team sponsors, The Tring Old Pets Into Pies Company.
Kaka said that he was thrilled to be moving to Tring, but he stated that, if he missed a shot at goal, he would go off in a huff if anyone in the crowd was to shout his name with an inference of soiled underpants.
Brian Clough was unavailable for comment due to his current deceased status.