Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 19 January 2009

image for Charles Barkley Signed By The Oklahoma City Thunder
The basketball hoop in Charles Barkley's backyard which has not been used in 7 years

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma - The struggling Oklahoma City Thunder of the NBA who are (8-34) are to the point of desperation.

Coach Scott Brooks, upon the recommendation of one of his players, Chucky Atkins has decided to sign TNT sports personality and commentator Charles Barkley to a one-year contract.

Barkley who currently tips the scales at 495 pounds says that it will take him roughly about 48 hours to get himself back into basketball playing shape.

Fellow TNT commentator Kenny 'The Jet' Smith laughed and said that it will take more like eight months, a straight-jacket, and a pair of handcuffs.

Smith said of his co-commentator, "Chuck has reached a point in his culinary eating habits where he will eat a 16-ounce T-bone steak and then chase it down with three, foot-long Coney Island hot dogs. And then he'll chase the three hot dogs down with a KFC bucket of chicken.

I've been in restaurants with Chuck and I've seen him salt his food with bacon strips. The man could easily out eat the entire city of Mobile, Alabama."

Smith grinned and said, "There are some people who have a tape worm. I seriously believe Chuck has a tape anaconda.

He is the only person I know who honestly beleives that there are 87 basic food groups...and that he has to eat at least one from each group daily.

I love Chuck, but he truly believes that Twinkies are condiments." Kenny shook his head and said "I have no earthly idea what Oklahoma City is thinking by hiring him."

When told of Smith's remark, coach Brooks said "As smart as Kenny is I am really surprised that he does not get it. Bringing Barkley onto our team is a brillant strategy move.

Like Chucky (Atkins) said to me." "Coach, Barkley hasn't been in shape in over a decade. When you put him out there on the court and the opposing players see him with his 495 pounds stuffed into a pair of extra, extra, extra large basketball shorts they will start laughing so much they will not be able to concentrate, much less make their shots or block ours. It is a brilliant, brilliant strategy move on our part."

And like coach Brooks told a reporter for ESPN, "The beauty of it all is that Barkley has agreed to forego receiving any monetary salary. He has instead agreed to be paid in steaks...sirloin, t-bone, ribeye, filet mignon, chateaubriand, and fittingly...chuck."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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