Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 19 January 2009

image for Sir Alex Ferguson In Turd Slur
Don't polish it

Local rivalries can be found wherever you look in football, but nowhere is the rivalry more intense than in Manchester, where United and City perpetually compete with each other for the glory.

For a long time now, it's been United that have held the upper hand, but with the purchase of the Sky Blues by oil-rich Arab billionaire Sheikh Mansour, and the subsequent billions of pounds at their disposal, the Eastlands club are seeking to redress the balance of power.

City have already splashed out more than £32million for Brazilian ace Robinho, and a £107million bid for AC Milan's Kaka has really put the cat amongst the pigeons, but Reds manager Sir Alex Ferguson has today spoken out, criticising City, and claiming that, no matter how much 'mad brass' is thrown around, it does not automatically guarantee success.

Speaking on the Manchester United club website, Sir Alex declared:

"It duznae matter how much money y' have available, y' cannae polish a turd."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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