Unconfirmed reports emanating from The City Of Manchester Stadium this morning suggest Manchester City are planning to follow up their attempts to sign Kaka from AC Milan with an audacious double swoop for Chelsea's penalty king John Terry and Leeds United AFC.
Chelsea legend Terry would set Sheikh Mansour back around £200m and demand wages of around £50m a week with bonuses for getting himself dressed, cleaning his teeth and wiping his own bottom. Meanwhile, Leeds United would force the Arabs to part with a hefty £2.99 and demand a nice new lick of paint in the changing rooms and a new set of kit for the lads.
Leeds, who in their glory years failed gloriously to win the European Cup on several glorious occasions may also push City's fabulously wealthy owners for new bicycles for the players before signing on the dotted line. A rival to City for the signature of Leeds may be Elsie Bagthorpe of Roundhay, who thinks Leeds would look lovely in her back yard next to the chrysanthemums.