FIFA world player of the year, Jesus Christ, today announced he was going to play for Manchester City. 'I'm going to play for Manchester City', he announced, 'here's Mark Hughes.'
'Blessed be the Brazilians, who believe in me', the City gaffer said, in an accent that chopped and changed between boyo-from-the-valleys to Cheshire cheese, 'for they do not know what they do. A.C. Milan have sinned, see, and City have sinned with me, see. See. The mighty Manchester City will sign the boyo from Brazil, and if you don't believe me then read Sir Alex's guide to psychological warfare, he's turned Rafael into a nutcase and made Keegan look like a complete trolley merchant.'
Jesus himself said: 'Healing the sick and turning wine into water was OK. I mean, we can all do that, especially in Manchester, but playing for the pride of Moss Side, I mean. Pontius Pilate, you're a Roman, you're a Roman! Pontius Pilate, you're a Roman, you're a Roman! With me on board we'll hammer United, as long as I'm not at a prayer meeting, of course, sometimes even multi-millionaire footballers have to ignore their agents phoning them up all the time.'
This is not the first time a religious person has played for Manchester City - the prophet Mohammed played left back for them in their legendary 954 AD Cup winning team, and Mahatma Gandhi came on as sub to score their winning goal against Liverpool in 1948, but this is the first time such an unlikely miracle as the world's greatest player considering moving to England's crappest team has happened. Apart from Denis Law doing that in 1874, of course.