A drunken Chelsea supporter was so disgusted about his team's uncharacteristically shambolic performance in the 3-0 defeat against Manchester United on Saturday, that he went straight down to the Stamford Bridge ground after the game, and nailed his season ticket to a fence outside.
When he sobered up on Sunday morning, however, and realised what he had done, he raced down to the ground to retrieve it, only to find that some callous individual had already stolen the nail!
John Chump, a lifelong Blues fan, told reporters how he had been moved to tears during the debacle at Old Trafford, and had decided to 'end it all' with the symbolic cleansing of his soul.
The season ticket, which costing £900, was a birthday present from Chump's wife, for which she had grafted long hours plus overtime at a local offal-rendering factory. When John saw how impulsive he had been, he ran all the way to the Bridge to salvage it, not expecting to find it, but overjoyed when he realised that no-one wanted it anyhow.
A spokesman for the club said:
"I saw it there on Sunday morning, and was surprised that it was the only one. I think Mr Scolari pinched the nail - he's busy shoring-up the defence!"